Gullible’s Travels

Today I’m putting away my OCD tendencies and just venting because I can’t possibly put any more stress on myself.

I consider myself a pretty smart girl.  I’ve got common sense and I know a lot of things.  But you may not ever meet someone who falls harder for peoples’ BS than I do.  And not just fall for it, but devour it.  It doesn’t matter how many times it happens, it never changes.  I feel like everybody I meet is just out to sell me something, even if its just an idea.

In the last few years on my path to find health I have bought into Melaleuca; Liv skinny; Doterra; Shakeology; the theories relating to leaky gut syndrome and Terry Wahl’s book “Minding My Mitrochondria”; the Alcat allergy test; the Paleo and MS Recovery Diets; and most recently, muscle testing, Arbonne, Protandim, homeopathic chiropractics, and the Sevenpoint2 system (which puts the blame of disease on the lack of alkalinity of your body).  I’m not saying there is no good in all these companies or ideas, I’m just saying that so far, I still feel as tired as ever.  And that is just my partial list of holistic approaches.  Of course there are also all the anti-this-and-thats (depression/anxiety/fatigue/etc) that medical doctors have pushed on me, the five MS treatments I’ve been on (Avonex, Betaseron, Copaxone, solumedrol, prednisone) and now my monthly infusion of Tysabri that, even after financial assistance and insurance, is still costing me several thousand dollars.  That one I am taking because a doc told me if I didn’t take it I would no doubt be in a wheelchair in the next 10 years.

So here’s the bottom line: There HAS to be a universal truth to all of these things.  This is my opinion of course.  But for me, there has got to be ONE path to physical well-being.  I know its out there, and I’m trying SO hard to find it.  But I just need all these “salespeople” to leave me alone and let me find it!  How can I have time to meditate and find my own answers when I constantly have a string of people promising me, guaranteeing me, that their product is the only option??  It is not worth the money you are trying to make, and as many stories as you all have about people you’ve saved, you have just as many stories about people you are totally stressing out.  Have a little faith in me.  I only have one life to get this right.

And for the record, I don’t believe I will have Multiple Sclerosis for the rest of my life.  I appreciate the support and education that I’m offered, its more about the way people go about it.  Whatever it takes I know I will beat this.  And just as I was writing this last sentence, my 5 year old daughter came up to me and made a very random but profound statement: “Mom, Heavenly Father is bigger than anything”.  So true, and thank goodness.

Reaching My Potential: A Ritalin Story

Let me tell you about my Ritalin experience.

I tried it.  I loved it.

For two days.

First I need to explain my reason for taking it.  I have Multiple Sclerosis, and the most common symptoms of MS are fatigue and depression {It is important to note that I’d say these are also common side effects of having two 2 year olds and an infant}.  My doc recommended that I get on something to combat at least the fatigue, but what he recommended would cost me $600/mo.  So he said “well no big deal, methylphenidate does the same thing”.  I filled the prescription and found out it was just a generic form of Ritalin.  “Well ok, I guess I’ll try it”.

I would imagine that my experience was similar to that of a blind person seeing for the first time.  Within minutes of popping this pill I looked at my kids and thought “where did you perfect children come from and how long have you been here??”  I spent 2 days in a state of bliss, making plans and being patient.  Remember the movie Limitless?  I was reaching my full potential.  I could only imagine that this is exactly the way I was made to be.  Everyone should be lucky enough to live with this love of life!

And then I woke up.  Or lost my sight again I guess.  I had high expectations that this was the magical cure for my lost life.  And now I guess I’m back to square one.  But the point is that I had a glimpse of who I want to be and who I think I SHOULD be, and it was pretty great.  I know I can get that person back.  How?  Well today my brilliant idea is to learn this song.  I’m gonna do it!  It will work, and when it does I will not only share how I’m feeling but I’ll share the song too.