You may be a control freak if…

…You possess/relate to at least 6 of the following qualities or statements (or 4, or 8, as long as its an even number):

-You haven’t put much thought into potty training your three year old(s), not because he’s not ready, but because changing a diaper is so much more efficient than scrubbing the carpet or changing the sheets.

-You’re ready to pull your child out of public school because “she” (YOU) didn’t win the box tops competition that she (…you…) spent the last year immaculately cutting box tops for.

-You regularly offer to let people take over for things, but when they volunteer you don’t sleep for days at the thought of it not being in your hands.  I mean, you didn’t really think anyone would step up!

-Your fitness instructor watches YOU for cues in her own class.

-It’s more important to have the dishwasher loaded correctly (cups/bowls on top, plates on bottom, large plates towards the back, silverware with the handle pointing down) than to leave them where someone else put them and just start the dishwasher.

-Printed throw pillows go BEHIND the solid pillows, as to keep the “solid.print.solid” pattern going on the solid brown leather couch.

-You believe very strongly that you could fix the marital problems of any one of your friends or family members if they would just let you have a talk with their spouse.

-Your parents have been telling you that you should be a lawyer since you could walk because of your stellar “negotiating” skills.

-You volunteer to pay for things (trips, dinner, movies, classes, etc.) for people who make more money than you do if they show even the slightest hesitation towards saying yes.

-Your “to do” lists include more things that are done than things that aren’t so that you can cross them off.

-There is an uneasiness that hovers in the air if you don’t have the final word of a disagreement.

-You prefer the BEST, you’d embrace the WORST, just as long as you’re not somewhere in the middle.

-You can’t relax at night if there are dishes in the sink.

-Papers on the kitchen counter are acceptable, as long as they are stacked and in no more than 2 piles (one keep pile and one garbage pile) and are perpendicular to the edge of the counter.  Who am I kidding, just one pile is acceptable because you won’t leave the room until the garbage pile is in the garbage.

-The thought that this list is not as comprehensive as you’d like it to be is making you go cross-eyed.

-You have an average of 12 revisions for each blog post, most of which consist of only a new title.

Advertisements

Why DJ Lance would make a good president

65597

Meet DJ Lance, star of the Nickelodeon show Yo Gabba Gabba and my sons’ favorite Television host.

Since I’m quite confident this is something you have not previously considered, I thought it would be of some value to bring to your attention a short list of reasons why I believe he would make a great—or at least better—American president.

•He encourages strong family values, which are severely lacking into today’s world.

•He promotes healthy living habits, which is apparent from his track suit.  These include such things as balanced diet, getting enough rest, adequate exercise, good oral hygiene, as well as emotional health and happiness.

•He’s an advocate for equal rights and accepting each others’ differences.

•He hopes to contribute to the advancement of a green world.

•He embraces creativity and adventure, while supporting a proper formal education.

•He has impressive public speaking skills; he speaks very clearly and never stammers or fumbles his words.

•He works along side Gabba creator, Christian Jacobs, who is Mormon, which means he has a strong understanding and support of religious differences.

•While my knowledge of his stance on foreign policy is very limited, I imagine it would include such words as “peace”, “compromise”, and “sharing”.

•And if the way a president LOOKS is important to you, I think its pretty clear that he would fit right in.

Barak Obama-United States-Politics

DJ-Lance

Write in Lance Robertson for Election 2016.  DJ Lance for President!

Children Are Like Zombies

ZombieKidsI’ve put a lot of thought into this.  And while the comparison is pretty gruesome, the similarities are uncanny.  So don’t let these sweet stares fool you.

IMG_3493

Fortunately, unlike actual undead zombies, most children grow out of these habits around age 8 (so I hear).  Earlier if you’re lucky.  But for the rest of us who have to live with these creatures for what seems like an eternity, here are 10 things to look out for that may help you get through the Zombie years with your brain in tact.  Or at least let you know you’re not alone.

1. A closed door is the only thing that will keep them off of you.  Besides reason #2, this is what first tipped me off.  Its most obvious when you’ve got at least 3 little movers and they are all coming at you at once.  Sometimes I just need to go into the bathroom to grab a tissue, and within milliseconds, suddenly they are all over the place!  One on my leg, one in the toilet, 2 climbing onto the sink and eating the toothpaste.  I decided a long time ago that the easiest (and cheapest) way to take a vacation as a parent is to tell your kids you have to go potty and then very quickly lock the door.  Don’t be surprised when you see tiny fingers under the door.  Just close your eyes and pretend they’re not there.

2. They communicate by grunting.  The strange thing is that with tiny zombie #1, she outgrew the grunting very quickly.  But as soon as she had two new little zombies proving that grunting was the easiest way to get what you want, and then a third, it became the new form of communication, with mom and dad just guessing what each little sound meant.  “Hmpf.” “You want water?” “Mmmmmpf.” “Um, juice?”   “Gmmmmphff!!” “Ok how about milk…” “Uhhhh huh.”  Oooook, milk it is.

3. Reasoning with them is a lost cause.  This one speaks for itself.  Say one of them bites the other (which did happen yesterday).  Try explaining to a 2 year old, “Honey, if you bite again I’m going to have to put you in time out.  Where you clearly won’t be tied down or anything but I’m hoping you will just sit there and think about what you’ve done and decide never to do it again.  Biting hurts.” {Blank stare}

IMG_3375

4. They have a one track mind.  It was the funniest thing to me the other day when I was holding my one year old (who wasn’t quite one on that particular day) on my lap.  The TV happened to be on, and when I reached up to stroke his face, he very deliberately put both hands on my arm and pushed it down and out of the way.  To test my theory, I tried again.  Three times.  Finally he looked me square in the eyes as if to say “Seriously?  Didn’t you get the hint the first time?  I’m watching tv here!”

IMG_3098

5. They live in filthy clothes.  Try getting clean clothes on a thrashing zombie.  Your options are leave them in the clothes they’re in, very quickly rip the dirty clothes off and leave them naked, or get your way but get scratched and bruised in the process.

6. They’re picky eaters.  Okay so my kids don’t eat brains, but brain is probably healthier than the things my kids usually want to eat.  Plus, I’m pretty sure whatever is in that bowl could easily be brains…

IMG_3445

7.  They’re messy eaters.  Have you ever seen a zombie able to eat something (err…someone) without getting stuff ALL over their face, hands, body, feet even?  I have no idea why food can’t just go from a plate into a mouth without somehow ending up in the strangest places.

IMG_3423

8. Day or night, they don’t sleep.  I think if I were to meet a real zombie, I would probably tell him/her, “Hey, I think if you got some sleep you may not be so cranky.  You don’t really HAVE to walk around all night long.”  But this takes us back to #3.

ZombieKids

9. They are resilient.  How is it that more often than not they (children and zombies alike) can trample over each other, get hit, fall down the stairs or off of a swing set, get up, and keep moving?

1452038_10100418211100334_374245862_n

10.  They are unconsciously on a quest to destroy your brain.  Really, since all essential bodily functions of a zombie have ceased, including the brain, I don’t think they consciously have it out for people.  Its just what they do (see #4).  I’m sure if they COULD mean well, they would.  They just don’t know what they’re doing yet.

Of course, I guess they could also just be Zombie hunters looking for field experience, in which case they’re much more clever than we think.  Aren’t kids just the best??

IMG_3450