Outside Looking In

It was my turn to try to console our teething infant, since my husband had already been on duty for the previous 2 hours.  I took over and an hour later he was still inconsolable and I believe I was too.  In a moment of desperation I stormed downstairs, baby in arms, slipped my shoes on and walked out the door.  It was almost midnight so it was dark and chilly.  He was instantly quiet.

There were a surprising number of people still awake at this time; almost every house on the street had lights on and I could see right into their homes.  I have met many of the families that occupy these homes and I know their circumstances: the angry alcoholic man with no children who listens to 80’s classic rock, the single mom who works full time with 2 almost-teen boys, the woman on her second marriage and raising her 9 year old son with her second husband while she tries to decide whether to return to the Mormon church, the wonderful mother of 2 very small girls who is the second wife to a man with 2 children of his own.  I looked through their windows in passing and I could almost feel that they were in the same boat emotionally as I was that night.  As I walked down our street I had an epiphany.  You can see others much clearer standing outside in the dark looking into their lit homes.

And also, If I could choose to go back into any of the houses I would choose mine.

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3 thoughts on “Outside Looking In

  1. I have those moments as well, when I realize that everyone has something big they are, or have dealt with. And if I think someone’s life is easier than mine, I just don’t know them well enough. I am loving your blog! You are talented in so many ways!!!

  2. What a brilliant rambling!… And loved the perfect title of this post too! Anyway, thank goodness for Thomas Edison who invented that original lightbulb moment (or something)…

    • I agree with your Mother. This was a perfect title for some brilliant insights. I can see “Outside Looking In” as a perfect title of one of the Chapters in the Book I think you will write someday. “Two Weeks Notice” and the titles of your other entries are very good too. You really have a natural talent for writing. I’m so glad you are expressing your thoughts, feelings, and discoveries. Some day, when you have more time to yourself, these ideas will be so valuable in helping other young mothers who are trying to make it through this very exhausting time.

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